right now, i’m biding my time, attempting to figure out whether i should apply for welfare in order to move on in my life, due to the horrendous job opportunities and bad mental health issues i have been experiencing as of late. however, there are still some things that make me pretty uncomfortable. very uncomfortable. i don’t know where your privilege sits, or where your opinion of welfare lies, but i do know that i was constantly reminded as a kid, not to ever, ever, ever go on welfare.

why?, you might ask.

well, ever heard of lazy, drunk, welfare indians?? i bet.

as much as i am not lazy, as much as i am not an alcoholic, and attempt to keep both kinds of people from my world, i am afraid of having to sign that check, live on a pittance. not to mention how the heck do you explain that to people (apart from those who have the same experience – thank go di have friends who have commonalities), especially when they have grown up in environments that reject and often shame people who are on or were ever on welfare. i remember my father’s racist remarks about a native roommate of his, the embarassment i felt when hearing that, the total fear of ever, ever, ever having to say, you know what?, this is my only option. i don’t even want to think about what would happen to me if there wasn’t welfare. thankfully, i am not keeping such close contact with my extended family who, though there is a large portion of welfare experience, would not be supportive and don’t really give a sh-t about me anyways. so, i remain with my nervousness and anxiety, but thank goodness there may be a light at the end of the rainbow. i have (possibly – fingers crossed here) found a place with a friend (who is also of the gender unusual kind), and she said that i can be in november. which is perfect, provided i get all my shit together and get this welfare thing in order, i may have a place for myself come sometime soon!

more to follow 😀